Save Your Marriage Forever

A marriage is either in an upward spiral, building on your love, trust and understanding of one another or it’s headed in a downward spiral. There’s no in between. (The “in between” would be a symptom of the downward spiral.)

Reflect on this for a minute: Are your times of distress, unhappiness and pain in your relationship:

More frequent? More emotionally distressing and intense?

Do find yourself cycling back into the same old arguments/distance/pain and feel there is no way out?

Often you wait too long. You keep going over the same painful distressful territory, time and time again. Eventually you give up. You shift your focus to your work, your children, your hobbies or something else.

Of course you don’t do this intentionally. It’s more like the proverbial frog in the water who doesn’t feel the heat rising.

And, then one day, all hell breaks loose.

You discover your spouse is having an affair. Your spouse raises the “D” word. The business fails and you blame rather than support. A family crisis rears its head and the two of you can barely manage.

Here’s a fact: The pain was incessant. The distance icing. The anger out of control. The cycle so ingrained that each struggled to breath around each other.

You can prevent your marriage from spiralling down and crashing and it’s easier, less expensive, less time-consuming and less fearful than you think

The big question is, if a relationship of deep emotional investment is so important and you long so desperately for intimacy, understanding and love, why does your marriage spiral downward?

What makes it so difficult for you to avoid the crash and burn?

Why are so many people miserable in their marriage?

Why is the younger generation reluctant to “tie the knot?”

You are bombarded by the Need to Emotionally Fuse and It’s Killing Your Marriage

The concept of Emotional Fusion goes back 40 years or more and has been written about on numerous occasions in the Marital Therapy Field.

Emotional Fusion means two in a relationship are emotionally locked. Each expects the other to make him/her feel better, to meet needs and make life “complete.” Each focuses on the other as the saviour or the one responsible.

The cartoon on the right gives a flavour of emotional fusion. Distance, coolness, reactivity, apathy, consistent conflict, withdrawal and even civil politeness are symptoms of Emotional Fusion.

Emotional Fusion results in:

Feeling a pressure to perform, please, accommodate or react against.

Short term solutions (let’s have a romantic weekend at a bed and breakfast! Or, go to a marriage seminar.)

Phoniness, game playing and mind reading

The “Spirit” (passion) of each, and the marriage, is squelched.

Emotional fusion is seductive. Moving closer, talking it out, getting at feelings, being romantic, meeting the other’s needs seems the logical route, does it not?

If so, why do these strategies, if they work, seem to only alleviate temporarily the pain? Six months down the road, here it comes again: that familiar downward spiral.

These traditional strategies, espoused by many around you, focus on Emotional Fusion, NOT Emotional Engagement.

You need more. You need something that digs beneath the surface. And, that something is easier, less costly and less fearful than you might imagine.

Learning new tricks, phrases, gimmicks, behavioral changes to MAKE your spouse “work on” the marriage will be futile. You are just driving the important issues underground and in the long run, you will fail…and your marriage will fail!
Understand? Get this? This is important.

Both genders (or types) must be honored and served. This is VITAL if your marriage or relationship is to be healthy, give joy, passion and excitement for the future.

8 Critical Keys to Saving Your Marriage

Key #1: You must unlearn much of what you have learned and absorbed about marriage, love and relationships.

Key #2: You Must Feel Safe with Your Spouse and her/him with You

Key #3: You Must Have Something to Give

Key #4: You Must Speak Your “Voice”

Key #5: You Must Make Distinctions

Key #6: You Must Make Shifts

Key #7: You Must be able to Meta-Comment

Key #8: You must have a process that keeps you focused

So, here's exactly What You Need To Do Right Now...

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